The journey never ends

it-was-me-all-along

Two days ago, I finished reading a book called “It was me all along” by Andie Mitchell. The book is about Andie’s weight loss journey. From the days were she was a chubby kid all the way to adulthood with all her struggles in the middle. To be honest, I did not like the first few chapters. I started reading the book around 5 months ago and after those few pages I stopped. I felt she was making her troubled childhood responsible for her eating disorder and I couldn’t relate to that.  5 days ago, I found myself without a book to read so I gave “It was me all along” another chance and I’m happy I did it.

Although our childhoods were completely different and I don’t eat to forget about my problems or to find some kind of love or to be rescued, I am facing some of the struggles she had before turning her life around. In my case, it is not about denial anymore, it is not about hating veggies or healthy food, it’s about how hopeless I feel when I think about the time and effort getting to my weight goal will take.

Because let’s face it, if you have been chubby your entire life, your body is used to that. It could be a genetic thing, or you just love food very very much. So, the weight loss journey does not stop when you reach your goal, that is just the beginning. Losing weight is fu*ing hard, and it takes heaps of motivation and unimaginable amounts of will power, but the reality is, the journey never ends. It is not like, after reaching your goal, you are magically going to forget how much you love pasta or chocolate or Nasi Goreng Fried Rice. NO. Your body probably will learn to be satisfied after eating a reasonable portion of food but if by any chance you start over-eating again, in no time, you will be back in square one.  And that is exactly what I’m afraid of: knowing that this needs to be a life changing thing, instead of something I have to do for the next couple of months.

Then read this on Andie’s book:

“Can you do it today? The notion of just trying to take each day as it came. The commitment to the present moment, and only the present moment, without worrying about the big and daunting picture of all the days that followed.”

Yes, I can do it today. Only today. Tomorrow morning I will ask the same question.

So, to keep myself accountable and to forced myself to think twice if my body needs the food that I’m about to eat, I will start posting on my Instagram account @mai_journey_to_fitness what I eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. I’m going to be honest about it, even if that means telling you that on Saturday while relaxing at home, I ate  more than half of a pack of Pringles (the large size, not the small one) while watching TV.

Thanks for reading!

Mariana

 

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